As expected, it has been a challenging week.  My facial swelling receded over a few days and even though I was tired, I was able to take a couple of  slow walks around our neighborhood. Then on Wednesday, the real fatigue set-in and a tightness which began a few days earlier that encircled my chest was becoming almost unbearable.  On Thursday, I had to go in for labs to check my blood count.  I think the fatigue, pain, fear of what-ifs, and the culmination of months of physical & emotional strain came to a head.  When I went into the doctor’s office my pulse was racing, I thought I might pass out and I could not catch my breath.  I thought for sure something was terribly wrong with me – which only fed the cycle. The nurse thought I either needed a blood transfusion to increase my blood counts or I was having an anxiety attack.

After she left the room, Jonathan said a prayer and I began to calm down.  Later we found out my labs were good and I guess I had just reached a peak of anxiety that I hadn’t reached before.  My pain was most likely from a shot I had on Sunday to increase my white blood cell counts – it works in the bone marrow.  It causes bone pain, and for me apparently it goes around my ribs, up my sternum and back.  Thankfully it backed down a good bit on Friday.

On Thursday evening all 7 of us were at the dinner table.  Our little boy climbed up in my lap.  Our conversation turned to the girls’ upcoming elementary school talent show – they are singing a duet of “Let it Go”. The girls were told that I won’t be able to come to either of 2 performances because I’ll be in the hospital.  It made our oldest daughter cry, our middle child try to comfort all of us, and our youngest child turn to me and ask why I had pink eyes.  We then laughed a little through the tears. Then he put both of his hands on my cheeks – I instinctively pulled them down.  He immediately placed them back on my cheeks as if to say, “Listen.”  And then in a sweet, sincere, 3-year-old voice he said, “Remember no matter what, Jesus is always here to protect you. Jesus is always in your heart.”  I can’t put into words what that meant to me.

Even in the dark times, there is hope and strength.  We also received a huge blessing yesterday.  I’m trying to eat a healthier diet while also packing in calories and protein because my weight has been hard to keep steady.  Jonathan suggested a road trip for some fun food yesterday.  We drove up to Steak N Shake and ordered  milkshakes and hamburgers.  Because I’m so fatigued (can’t stand for long, walk for long, etc.), we decided to find a pretty place to park the car and eat.  Fittingly enough it was at the nearby mental hospital.  🙂  While we were eating, a Vanderbilt financial counselor called.  Finances have been a priority prayer since Jonathan stepped out on his own to begin his own advertising/design business 17 months ago.  We had our taxes done early this year, so that we could submit them to Vanderbilt.  With our new business, all the expenses that come with getting that off the ground, personal itemized deductions and a family of five, etc., we had a shot at getting some assistance with our out-of-pocket medical expenses (that we currently make monthly payments on).  The financial counselor happily told us that we had met the criteria!  The Vanderbilt medical bills are one less burden to have during all of this.  Thank you God!

Today is a good day.  I may be tired, but I feel less anxious, the pain has nearly subsided, my face is 75% back to normal, I have an incredibly loving, supportive family and God is good all of the time!

. . .  “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20