I knew the odds were not in my favor.  The MDs said 100% chance of hair loss and the majority of the chemo drugs and prescription drugs I’m taking have hair loss as a common side effect.  Even so, I prayed that God would let me keep mine.  That may seem awfully naive or vain, but I believe we can ask God for anything, and He wants to give His children good gifts.  I also realize, that not everything we want aligns with His will for us.

I have felt like this road has been so hard, and there’s been so many wrong turns, let downs, etc., so maybe God would just give me a wink or nod on this to just let me know He’s got this.  Sometimes you just want a little tangible reassurance.  Jonathan and my mom said they’d pray as well, but I could also tell they wanted to protect me from being disappointed, again.

The girls were home from school both on Monday and Tuesday because of snow/ice.  On Tuesday, I texted my sister and told her that my hair was not falling out.  As soon as I sent the text, I started to style my hair and the strands started coming out.  Unbelievable.  I showed Jonathan, and then the girls walked in and saw it too – just a few strands each time I ran my fingers through my hair.  I couldn’t help but cry – and the girls cried too.  I pulled it together pretty quickly and told the girls that I’m texting my hairdresser to see if she can cut it short.  Immediately, the girls requested to go with me.  I told them they could come if she could see me that day, otherwise they’d be in school.  Maybe it would be good for them to be a part of it – to have courage and face it head-on.

My hairdresser texted back and saw me almost right away. I think my hairdresser is a Godsend.  She is so calm, confident and methodical in how to approach such a devastating thing for a woman, and I’m guessing about as hard for guys too.  She had the girls hold a plastic shower cap open as she filled it with 10-12 inch sections of hair.  She told the girls that my hair would be perfect for a wig for a child. My oldest was then in charge for taking pictures with my phone and taking video – why not make this empowering instead of a pity party.

As the hairdresser showed me how to style my hair (even though this will be a temporary thing), the girls weighed in on their opinions.  My oldest said I looked like my mom. Okay, I can definitely see that.  My younger daughter said I looked goth.  Then she clarified, “A goth motorcycle lady.”  She thought the snaps around the cape neck added to the effect because it looked like a collar.  We laughed.  So therapeutic for us all.

I really really wanted to keep my hair.  I truly believe the God that made the intricate details of the tiniest particle all the way to the inconceivable vastness of space, can do absolutely anything.  I wanted to preserve this part of me and I wanted this to be a part of my story on how God came through for me.  But, you know what, He did.

Instead of my hair, He has used His people.  I’ve mentioned several times how overwhelmed we are by the support we’ve gotten and I can’t list everything, but let me tell you what He did within approximately 24 hours of my hair starting to fall out.

• my hairdresser came in on her day off to cut my hair, and wouldn’t accept my payment
• a gift card for dinner was left in our mailbox by a neighbor
• Jonathan picked up our tax paperwork, and our tax preparer (who also has a cancer battle going on her immediate family) would not accept his payment – we also will get a tax refund that will get us back to being debt-free!
• a friend was running errands, checked-in to see what we needed, and delivered the items to our front door
• two friends in the neighborhood had me over for brunch (I haven’t been social in forever), and we actually talked about fun things like interior paint colors
• a friend left a silver necklace in my mailbox with the word “hope” on it
• a new neighbor from Texas, whom I’ve never met (Jonathan has met them – and told them about me), came to the door, introduced herself and told me God placed it on her heart to offer to come to our home anytime and read to our little boy or play with him, or whatever is needed.  She’s a former teacher and loves children.

You would think that these must be life-long friends or family members, but 3 of these people I only met 12 months ago or less.  God chose to wink, nod, side-hug, however you want to describe it, me in a totally different way than I requested, but undoubtedly the exact way He wanted to demonstrate His love.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”